Saturday, January 10, 2009

Last few minutes …

He listened to the sounds with interest. A weird kind of interest with which one hears when one is unsure of whether he is going to live the next moment. A moment later he may just cease to exist and become just another number. He had just few more minutes to live. As he awaited his end in the small closet of his luxury suite, his life flashed before his eye as it always does in front of the eyes of a dying man.

Thirty two years was a long time. But it was not long enough to be length of one’s life. He had seen it all – from being a complete failure to being at the pinnacle of success. But then, it was all a passing phase in his life. These are, after all just passing phases in lives of people. They are at top at one moment in life, and then someone just shoves them off the pinnacle and the next moment they hit the nadir. More often than not, like in his case it was nobody who shoved him off, except himself and his arrogance.

That place was under siege since 12 hours now. He heard few gunshots, few explosions and got to know from a SMS on his cell phone that that place was under siege by some terrorists. That’s all he knew for any access to information was limited. He had hid himself in the closet of his room, so that his detection maybe delayed but he knew that once they were inside his room, they would find him within a minute or so. It had been in the news channels that few people in the restaurant below had been shot dead and now it was the turn of all those rich people staying in those sea facing luxury suites. But then, it was all speculative. No one knew what was happening there, except few people who were trapped inside. But why was he the chosen one, he wondered. Why his life was being ruined. But then, he had no right to question all this. After all, he was not a person who had never sinned in his life. He had been the perpetrator of many of them, and never gave a thought to what the ones at the other side thought about it. Probably, he was paying a price for all that...

His thoughts led him to worlds diverse. The world that had not been, the world that could have had been and the world that had already been. It was not the best of the worlds, nor was it the worst but it was just a mixed bag of variegated experiences. That first time he had a fight at home; that day when he was ordained to give all thoughts of being a sportsperson as there was no surety and confined to his study room; the subtle grudge, bordering into hatred that he was not allowed to pursue his dream; his life had been quite a mixed bag. And that day when he in fit of rage left his home to come to Mumbai to struggle and try his luck in movies; those days he spent on pavements before getting spotted in a small time TV show and his subsequent journey spanning into many blockbuster movies. And those many days when he seemed to have control over everything in the world; when the common man on street adulated him for his stardom while he was busy running after his co-stars and conspiring to win brownie points over his arch rivals and being consumed by the same flame when his personal and professional life had gone for a toss. And that public spat with his godfather in the industry that threatened to ruin his image and subsequently his fight with many people who were closest to him, all due to this airs he had about himself and ultimately leading to his downfall. Damn! How were those times for him, but then it had happened and there was no way he could deny or change that truth.

Ah, how he wished he could go back in time and change them! How he wished, he could go back and win his parents’ approval; how he could have being avoided being such a scheming villain, unlike the heroes he portrayed in the movies; how he could go back in time and say sorry to her. Maybe, just one chance…

Then without any prior notice, arrived a bullet which lodged close his heart. He was expecting it since long, but when it finally came it was nothing short of an unpleasant surprise. He could barely see the shooter except his intense bloodshot eyes and his face covered by a black cloth. But all that was immaterial. Of what help was it to him? What good would knowing who he was do to him?

So much for this short life of his! How he now wished to make amends to it all. Just one chance and he would make amends for everything; just one opportunity to go back in time and change the things as they were. But he knew that wasn’t to be, come what may. Not now, nor later, nor somewhere in distant future when he will cease to exist altogether…

Thursday, January 01, 2009

new year

2008 is gone, and here we welcome 2009. we celebrate this change with a ritual involving music, food, wine and try to have the best of it all. a time when we make a million resolutions. we evaluate happenings of this day minutely as the omens of next 364 days to come. we hope that it has everything to make this day more than ordinary.

but at the end of it, it is -

just another day.
just another year.
just another passing moment.

... and this too shall pass!