Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The local train

That was when I saw her. She had almost missed her train. There was another in 8 minutes, but she always preferred to catch this one only. It was a long ride - Mira Road to Churchgate and it took nearly an hour to reach there in a fast train. More than three hours a day she spent in commuting. It could have been more had her home not been near the railway station.

I had moved to Mumbai recently and was still trying to catch up with its pace. I was yet to get accustomed to the local trains. Slowly and steadily I would. Sometimes I wished that I stayed near my office, but it was too expensive. So I chose a distant suburb, trying not to dig a hole into my pocket and screwing my life inside stuffed trains.

This continued for few weeks. I always noticed her getting to the station, catching the train and alighting at the destination before briskly walking to her office. Mine was nearby, but that was it - I never manged to talk to her. She was somewhat reclusive and I didn't have any pretext to approach her and talk. Anyway, she seemed to be a reclusive person and I never saw her talking to anybody. She was an enigma.

But somehow her face was still with me even when I was not travelling - it was there when I was in office, or at home or on Sundays when I was lazing down. There was something about her; something behind her enigmatic face. Maybe, I should gather courage and talk to her. She would often catch the same train while coming back also. maybe, there was a lot in common between us. Maybe, we shared some kind of "connection" or something.

That day, I was late in coming from office and coincidentally she to was. That day, I was not rushing on the station platform as there was a good ten minute before the train. I grabbed a sandwich and walked towards the platform trying to prevent vegetables from spilling on my shirt. That was when I almost hit a pillar and almost fell down - right in front of her eyes. I couldn't save my sandwich though. She had a hearty laugh. I never saw her smile and there she was - laughing. That was the first time I ever had some sort of communication with her. It seemed that she had seen me before - probably on the same train which we took - maybe a slight familiarity.

I occasionally crossed her and exchanged a few "hi"s and "hello"s but that was the end of conversation. She seemed to be more or less disinterested. Yet I felt that she knew a lot about me. Maybe, she was looking for some company during those boring journeys or boring walks. Maybe, i could be that someone!

It was around two months since I moved to the city and first saw her. I was crazy about her and I didn't even know her. Sometimes I waited at the station just to catch a glimpse of her and would "coincidentally" board the same train as her. 

I think I needed to talk to her. Maybe, she also kind of liked me. That was a kind of wishful thinking, but maybe. At least I could give it a try. Maybe, we can just chit chat for some time. I was sure that she would not say no - at least not for talking for ten minutes.

One day, when I was late from my work, I waited for her at the station. She didn't come. Probably she had left early. The next day also same thing happened. The third day I saw her  and accompanied her to her coach. The train wasn't too crowded and it thankfully wasn't a ladies coach. 

I sat near her and within seconds the ticket examiner arrived and asked me for my ticket and certificate. Damn! What certificate? She produced some certificate and showed to him. He asked me for a fine and that was when I realized - the coach was reserved for handicapped, old people and cancer patients. Damn! She was suffering from cancer. The TTE threw me out of coach and I had to catch the next train.

The next day I didn't see her. Probably she was on a different train, or probably not travelling any more, or ...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010


Individuality - "The aggregate of qualities and characteristics that distinguish one person or thing from others; character" 
(Source - The first result on google search for - "individuality + definition")

So, I assume that it is fairly a constant thing which is with shapes a person's thoughts and probably his actions (unless under some kind of duress). If I had to give some kind of physical form to it it would be fairly solid though not completely, as it is subject to change by effect of some external influences, which maybe somewhat significant influences (after all, this is the only way an almost solid object can change its shape).

I was just wondering that what happens in case of a person's individuality is a fluid or is expected to be a fluid.

In this case a person's individuality will be flexible - probably not defined at all.

And, if the vessel is a relatively powerful object which can think on its own & has a right to dictate what kind of things it would permit in it then what will it choose ?

I believe it is a kind of liquid that it can give a shape to - that fits it requirements. It would say no to solid objects. After all, those solid objects would prefer to have their own shape and that shall not be dictated by the shape of the vessel it is poured into.To make it believe it might issue a diktat (after all, it is powerful!) that allows only liquid to be poured into it - anything else would not be permissible.

Moral of the above crap - 
Stop thinking about your individuality. You mean nothing, Be flexible. You have a society to fit into.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Before Sunrise/ Before Sunset

Bottom line - If you haven't seen them, then get a DVD/ Download it and do watch it (unless you hate each and every so called "romantic" kind of movie) - not much taxing - total run of 3 hours(for 2 movies combined, seen back to back)

What if you are guy travelling across and exploring Europe (wishful thinking!) and strike a conversation with some young chick in the train (wishful thinking again!), decide to spend few hours together at some place, say Vienna ... and that day turns out to be the most memorable day in your life?

Well, this is precisely the story of Jesse and Celine in the movie "Before Sunrise" and their meeting ten years later forms the premise of "Before Sunset".

(Today I saw them for the 3rd time)

Interesting concept, I would say but that is just surface of the movie. The real soul lies in the light hearted kind of discussion they have. That forms the heart and soul of these movies. Well, the discussion isn't specifically about anything. It is about random assorted stuff but still, they are likely to make you think and take notice.

Also interesting is the way their perspective about life changes in all these years and yet the core of it remains same across the years - forms an interesting comparison and also reflect a bit on how our own thoughts have undergone a (gradual?) change in last ten years or so ... and maybe will change a lot still in following ten years.

And about the so called argument over which one is better - I would vote for "Before Sunset" - the reason being much more depth in the kinds of discussion they have.

I would love to see another sequel - maybe when Jesse and Celine are in 50s and again get into a long conversation philosophize about life, universe and everything. Among everything, I am sure that the movie will have some amazing conversations!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Sometimes I think -

Some random useless frustoo stuff ahead -  mostly a copy-paste from my facebook updates & some quotes from my book (self publicity !!!).

Sometimes I think -

... that  it is in darkness that a human is happy. He accepts things as they are and is happy with it. The light of knowledge and understanding leads him to hope and strive for more leading to perennial unhappiness.

... that I should do something completely unthinkable ... absolutely absurd ... unimaginably weird ... what? ... I don't know yet ...

... that I have a perfect relationship with the world - i hate the world and the world hates me.

... that life is a nothing but a dream and at the end of the dream you realize that nothing in it is for real.

... that life is like that coin in sholay & "tails" was my call.

... that god does play dice with the universe; and then he says "buraa na maano holi hai"

... that life is like a box of garbage; you never know what is gonna be thrown at you.

... that we are conditioned with so much crap in life that we start considering all the non-crap things as crap, and by the time we realize that all those non-crap things which we were told are crap are the only things that matter, we are so much crap infested that it becomes almost impossible to break the shackles and get out of this crap.

... that every time i press "ctrl + Z", life says - "this facility is not available in your life".

... that every two people share some story in common, no matter how insignificant or inconsequential.

... that freedom of expression is the freedom to say what you want to say ... As long as you say what they want to hear 

... that when things go wrong, you learn ... and in the end you are full of learnings that have little or no use

... that sometimes that pain is necessary to keep you going and at times it becomes the driving force.

... that knowledge is a bane if u r supposed to follow a preordained line of thought.

... that some things are better left unsaid .

... that i came, i saw, i conquered, i got disillusioned, i gave up, i quit.

... that there are 2 ways to kill a person - 1. Kill his body. 2. Kill his soul.

... that ye duniya ek rangmanch hai aur hum sab to katputli hain ... audience bhi hum hi hain aur ye katputliyan bahut bore kar rahi hain ... i want my money back

... that at first you fight for it ... then give a token protest ... then just hope for it .... and in the end ... you learn to live without it. 

... that dreams are not supposed to last forever and have to give way for reality

... that when a group of tigers, bears and panthers come charging towards you, it is better to give up ... at least you can enjoy your own end

... that sometimes the only objective in life is - survival ... till the next moment arrives ... doesn't matter how ... don't care if it doesn't.

... that nothing matters ... for in long run we are all dead.

... that 67 years down the line, when I am 93 years old, god will suddenly turn the clock back by 79 years and i'll get a chance to live all over once again